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Testimony of a Lost Soul

This was the early sixties that I remember
wakening to lightning. The shade on the window
was missing and I was laying in a Crib around
two years old I could not walk and I was not
able to get out of the crib I pulled myself up to
cry so someone would come and get me I was
afraid because it had bars, I remember this
like it was yesterday because I was afraid of
 the lightning and the sound of thunder it had me
 jumping out of my skin I was so afraid that I am
afraid of thunder and lightning to this day.
I was born in 1958 and I grew up in Wisconsin
 it was always snowing raining or something.
I was a sickly child but I was still healthy enough
 to have a somewhat normal childhood,
 I had asthma and a skin rash called exsema
I was told that I had it all over my body and
that they put socks on my hands to prevent me
 form scratching myself

 

I Remember going to school the first time I was
 six years old at this time and I remember going
to get my first shots for polio so that I could go
 to school and right before
 I began school already had been Molested by a
 next door neighbor for a bag of potato chips
This boy was about fifteen years old and he was
 the oldest boy that lived next door to us in an
 adjoining apartment building over a store front,
 and both apartments shared the basement

I remember playing out side with his sister
 and some how I ended up in the basement
 I remember him saying to me do you want
these potato chip I shook my head yes then
 I remember him saying let me touch you
 down there take down your panties,
 I was afraid so I hesitated but he kept putting
 the chips in my face, and I really wanted those
 chips so I let him touch me my brother came
down and caught us he ran and told my
mother she called the police.
The first day at School I was defocus I would
not sit down when my teacher told me too and
I got angry and threw a chair to the other side
of the room and I got sent home with a note
pent
to my dress I had never been to school a day in
 life and I had no ideal that when my mother
 read
the note I would be getting a spanking looking
back on things I see that disobedience inter into
 my spirit way back then So I was very
rebellious
 after the first time I was Molested.
 



































 
 

It came time when I had it was time for me to go down to the police station and tell a detective
what happened in the basement it was very traumatic for me I never for got that door that I enter
 into to tell what happen in the basement, I was sorry for that boy because the officer said that I
would not have to be afraid because I would never see him again, and she was right I never saw
him again after the day in the basement because they locked him up so in my young mind if
something like that happens you will never see that person again.


Summer of 1964
A Few months went by and I learned how to block out the incidence, it was late spring going into
 summer and we had a top porch when my mother would go to school my brother would babysit
 for all of us I had three brothers and four sisters and I made eight

Sometimes we would play in the house when my mother was not home and one day we were
 jumping on the dinning room table when it clasped and the leg broke off. I knew that it was my
 fought although everybody was taking turns jumping off, but when I did it broke, My mother was
 a church going lady and she always told us to tell the truth no matter what so I was determined
to tell her what happened I told here that I jumped and it broke and I got the worst wiping I had
ever gotten I said to myself I would never ever tell the truth again. She said we should not have
 been playing in the house. So the next day we decided when she went to school that we would
play on the porch because we were not allowed to go outside while she was away. I was playing
 on the porch and my big brother came out their and told my older sister to go do the dishes and
then he trapped me on the porch and started touching me down there I told him to stop and he
 tried to put his thing on me and I broke away and ran in the house.



Later that night I was sleeping in the bed we all shared my other sisters and I and when the birds
 were tweeting my brother came in and molested me, He told me not to tell and I was going to tell
my mother the next morning , but I was a afraid that it would be like the boy next door, I would have
 to go threw that door again tell the detectives what happened and never see my brother again,
 also their was a fear of who would my mother depend on to help with the family like baby sitting
and helping her walk to the grocery store to bring back food and other things my mother depended on



So I decided not to say anything because of fear of what it would do to my mother and fear that I
 would never see him again. So a few weeks went by and he would molest me

When ever he wanted to I would say maybe once a week, I started to get sick of him doing this to
 me so I was going to tell and I started to rebel by not doing anything that he told me to do like
 clean up or stay in the house because I thought the reason why he was molesting me is because
 he liked me on a different level and I thought that I should have different privileges since I had to
do him up



I was wrong her turned on me He took a broom and hit me with it one day I decided that when
 it wad my day to clean the dishes I was not going to do them and he could not make me or I
 was going to tell what he had been doing but the way he beat me with the broom let me know
 that I had no power over him because he was molesting me, on the contrary he hit me so hard
 that I could have past out then he also made me stay in the house for weeks on in and he surely
 was showing me the power that he had over me and that if I was to tell my mother she would
 still need him to be in charge of us while she went to school and what would happen to me while
 she was away at school
 
I THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD BEAT ME TO DEALTH.

Time went on and it was time for us to move from the apartment we lived in it was a three bedroom
and it was five sisters in one room and three brothers in the other one My mother said we were moving
to Highland park and it had five bedrooms a full basement to play in and up and downstairs she said
that we would not have to share the basement with other people and that my oldest sister could have
her own room


We got there and later we found out that it was called the projects a place where everybody was
 on welfare and in order to live at Highland Park you had to have a large

Family it was 1965 I was eight years old I remember my Mother made me a Strawberry cake for my
birthday with four layers I had a good feeling about going to a different school some how in my mind
I knew that nobody could tell what happen to me because it was all new people that had never seen
 me before. I even believed that what had happened to me would be in the past and that life for me
would be a new beginning.


The adjustment to the new school was not as easy as I thought it would be and I still walked in fear
 of bigger kids and adults I was starting to learn how not to trust but I sill was a kind and wanted so
 badly to have friends and have a normal childhood I just wanted what every child wanted to be
cared for loved and taught the fundamentals of life.


I made new friends around the projects and at school we went to the Salvation Army Church and
 we also went to there camp as a family things seemed to be okay this year so far it was summer
and no school I did a lot of normal childhood actives jump rope went to the play ground sometimes
 I was even taken to the park and my dad would come buy every now and then and take us to the
 lake or out for ice cream, But when my older brothers and sister Father came he would bring money
 and take his Sons to work with him on the weekends he came far more than my father
I did not understand why but it was told to me by my full brother just be glad that our dad came
at all some dads never come to see their kids and some kids did not know their dad.


Winter came and we met the Huntley’s and the Pomes they were two of the largest families
in the projects and also us The Kings. We played football in the snow and we build snowmen
eulogies and did a lot of sledding and ice skating.


I had such a fulfilling year that I felt a since of joy happiness and contentment this year I believed
that my life was back on the right track so I just wanted to forget anything that happened to me in
the past so I had to hide the girl that was molested and I had to make sure she could not get
out to tell or remind me what had happened in the past.
So I buried her deep down in my mind.